Post by sweetart on Sept 27, 2019 3:24:50 GMT
My mother died 2.5 weeks ago. She passed out one night a fell down a few stairs, my dad called 911 and she went to the hospital and had a fractured bone in her arm but was sent home. The next day she could not breath after trying to go up stairs to bed with my dad so he had to call 911 again. My mother had pneumonia and didn't know it so her lungs were totally full a d she was in septic shock. It was really bad and we thought it was it, but little by little she improved until she was able to be put in a rehabilitation center. She could not tall because she had a tracheotomy to help her breath, but she was awake and looked so much better and was doing great. Out of the blue we get a call that the pneumonia is back and that she was rushed to the hospital with blood pressure so low they didn't think there was any thing they could do. My sister had been with her the night before and she was looking and feeling great. My sister, dad and I rushed to be with her, and made the painful decision to let her pass, we were told he blood pressure was low for so long (62/26) that her organs would be damaged beyond repair and she would be on machines and would never leave the hospital. We stayed with her for 6 hours, they gave her morphine so she was not in pain, and her heart just stopped and she was gone. It was such a shock because everyone including the doctors thought she was going to recover, she was 73. The most painful part of this all for me is that my sister and I had been planning my parents 50th wedding anniversary for over a year, and she went into the hospital a week and a half before the party. My parents never got to celebrate their 50th anniversary. My mother was semi conscious in the hospital on their anniversary and we had planned to just postpone it until she was better, but she never got better. This whole thing has been especially hard for me because after 14 years teaching in one school system I was so miserable at my new school that I decided to take a leap of faith and move my job to a different school system in a neighboring state. It was a big scary change for me, but one reason I was willing to do it was because the new job allowed me to move very close to my parents so instead of being 45 miles away, I could be 7 miles away, and my mom is who I was worried about before any of this happened so to be close to her was such a great thought. I had to start my new job just 3 days after my mom went into the hospital, and we closed on our new house just 4 days before she died. I never got the chance to live close to her, I had to navigate a new job while my mother was in the hospital and then had to go through the biggest loss of my life at the beginning of the school year, when I barely know anyone, not to mention trying to move during all this. It's all too much. I can't stop thinking about what she looked like when we had to identify her at the funeral home. We had her cremated so they make you come and identify the body. We picked out a really nice outfit for her and she looked very nice, they did a good job, but seeing her laying there cold and dead is so traumatic, she was so warm and loving and gave these warm soft hugs, touching her arm and feeling it cold and stiff is something I can't stop thinking about. Also they did her makeup very well, but I could see her ear through her hair and it was all discolored and black and it just made me so upset to think that's what her face must have looked like under the makeup. She was one of my best friends, we always had such good talks and times together. She is the only person who loved to decorate the house as much as me and I don't have anyone else who cares about that kind of stuff. I just can't believe she is really gone. I keep hoping she will send me a sign she is ok, or come to me in a dream, but there is nothing. I miss you so much.