I STILL MISS HIM

Christmas is hard. My dad loved Christmas. I miss him so much. It's been almost 3.5 years now. And so much as happen since he left.-My mom sold the house and now the house is torn down. Not there anymore. The place where all my happy moment when I grew up is gone. This made me feel so sad-My mom moved in with me for a year and now she lives in the city. I am here by myself. I brought a house about 5 minutes away from my parents. I would see them everyday. Now I have no one here. I am alone. I feel abandoned by my mom and angry. I felt so alone, that I got married this year.-The routine of seeing my dad every sat morning and having breakfast and spending the weekend is gone. Now i see him every Sat in his grave site. I miss him. I am the only one who see him every week.-I feel like that since my dad passed away, he took everything with him. The house is gone, my mom is in the city, Sears is gone...the location of where he use to work is gone.Everything is changing. I just felt in the past there was certain things that were constant.....now nothing is constant. Nothing is stable.-I dream about him and when I realize he is gone...i wake up. It suck.-I am so afraid of losing my mom. I don't know what to do. I go to the city every weekend to see her. To be honest, I ask god to take me first. I don't think I could bear losing my mom.
I hate that he is gone